Smart, Humble & Hungry

How much trouble can I get in before I truly fail?

I will say this I wasn’t always a hothead I started off nice and caring. I’d help anyone who was in need even if I went without. However as I grew from that damaged child I picked up bad habits to go along with my pain. On my block if I had to find you it meant someone was getting hurt and I don’t just mean their pride or ego. As an adult it meant someone was probably gonna cry and want to fight me. Now it’s up in the air honesty usually they stay away from me because I have no censor on what I will say. However it’s all out of love.

WHERE did it start I’d say I was about 8 or 9. Trying to figure out what was happening to me and why my body was betraying me. I’ll tell you something you may never thought of. When a person is being raped there comes a point where their body may or may not respond to the forced stimulation. Unfortunately my body went against me everytime and still today I hate the fact. I was mad I couldn’t tell anyone because that Grandma of mine would threaten me with the only thing I cared about: my brother. She would say I’ll send him away and you’ll never see him again. She knew I could careless about my pretend grown sister I knew she’d be stopped in her tracks soon enough. But my baby as I have always called him was what kept me going. I promised my mom I’d take care of him. So with all this anger I turned to fighting anyone boys, girls, adults, family basically anyone. I learned to defend myself but it wasn’t like I could.

I had these skills and couldn’t use them against the people I needed too. I was useless in my own defense although I could defend myself. I still try to wrap my head around it but my mind always kicks out survival.

When I joined the Military I was demoted at basic training and they wanted to kick me out. Let’s say me and a Drill Sergeant didn’t see eye to eye and I hate bullies. We had words and hands they took me down 2 ranks PFC to PVT. I was mad and plotted my revenge on his sexist self. He never called me a cunt, b****,worthless, etc after that.

Now as a believe I call out people who are suppose to know right from wrong. I call out Christians for wallowing in their sin, lying, etc. I hope they call me out as well because it’s only right. I don’t use my fist I use my intelligence to fight my battles. I am quite smart and I have been through so much it’s hard to sit and lie to me. I despise a person who can’t just be caught but try and lie their way out of it. I’m a I mean what I say and take full responsibility for my actions. I’m quick to apologize however I meant what I said. Too many people change because someone don’t like to hear reality, I’m not one of them.

Next up: My adopted family good, bad or ugly?