The thought of failure is all I had in mind.
School was stable but at home I was still a target sorta but by 12 I was deep in the hood and hanging with the boys. We did bad things on those corners and I was giving the pain I’d felt most of my life away. The hood was safe when you were protected but you have to do a lot to get that protection if you know what I mean. This wasn’t a handshake kinda club it was a eat or be eaten type and I was the baddest there was. Most people didn’t know I was a girl the way I lit people up. I kept my hood or cap on, baggy pants, boxers, Timberlands, rag color in my pocket and hair braided straight to the back. I fit in, now my family knew I was a girl but not many outside of them did. I was a special pain enforcer and I was the last you wanted to see; so most paid up quickly. There however were those others that tried it and regretted it. I mean I’d see you driving down the street and start chasing your car. I’d throw you out the window and wouldn’t blink or shed an ounce of sweat. I was trained for all types of fights and I got out of every one of them, some bruises but nothing broken. The streets made me into a beast and I was finally free from those old smelly men touching me. Who would have thought I’d have to turn in one bad for another just to start my journey to freedom.
I was a 7th grader and I had an attitude problem of course most kids my age did. This lady safety officer would always say to me, “Smile, life aint that bad child. Why are you so angry?” Lets just say I had reasons but I was in all honors classes, high math, honor roll until that day. It was a normal day and I was outside chatting with my peeps and this girl came up and said some bull. I won’t repeat it because it still makes me mad today. However what she didn’t know was I had a clean left and right with her name on it and I gave her a two piece and she flew through the front window. I put my hands up and got on my knees. I knew where I was going; Juvie. My granny didn’t come get me, her kids told her not to and the puppet followed. I stayed there for a few days and ended up meshing well with the guards and one spoke to me every night on his shift. I clued him in on my horrible life and I swear he cried. I got out and my grandma told me the school board expelled me. Really? Ms. Honor student, Presidential Academic award recipient expelled wow, I cried I knew I had done it; ruined my chance at anything. Back to the street I went; my only true home.
Who knew the man in there would become my father and the safety office would become my mother not even two years later……..