Smart, Humble & Hungry

Why is this happening to me?

My sister was a princess and she got everything she wanted. She denies it till this day but I saw the money she always had. Her hair was always done, makeup, nice clothes with tags and she left and came when she wanted. I must admit I didn’t want to go far anyway because I needed to watch my brother. I spent my time teaching him. We walked together, I even took a bath with him for a while (Until my aunt said it was inappropriate). Then I got smart and put on clothes. She beat me that day for disobeying her and I only thought you’re not my mama lady. So I taught him how to do it himself and told him never let anyone touch your body. I’d ask him daily if anyone touched him. I  worked on my running and fighting skills, sad at almost 8 years old I worried about getting raped, molested or hurt. 

There I was in my second grade class at Jefferson Elementary. It was fall, that’s all I know. I wasn’t feeling too good and then I felt it. I had just peed on myself oh no, how do I get out of this. I embarrassingly raised my hand and asked to go to the bathroom, my best friend looked at me suspiciously. When I stood up there was blood on my chair; huh what’s that? To the nurses I went where I found out I’d just started my period. I’m 8 really? GOD has to hate me, what’s next on this stupid roller coaster. I tried to hide it as best as I could. However, when that old lady got wind of it I became the neighborhood “cleaner” for ALL the old men. 

It went like this, “Come in gal.” Walking up the street holding my Granny’s hand. She knocked on a screen door. Hey, do you need any cleaning done today? My granddaughter does a great job in kitchens, sitting rooms, bathrooms and all. I looked at her with wide eye, yes I was a good cleaner because she treated me like a slave. The man would say yes or no and she would give them a rate and it was not cheap. I’d go into the house and start cleaning eventually the men would come up behind me and say shh I paid for this. It went from a rub down, to naked cleaning, to fallicio, to anal sex and eventually to sex. They wouldn’t do everything in one day. Depending on the price it went with the hours I was trapped, literally I couldn’t leave until she came back. Screaming and crying to her meant nothing. Telling my mothers sisters meant nothing either. I cried to my sister and she refused to believe me at this point all I had was ME. How in the world am I going to get out of this? 

My behavior at school got worse than ever. I was suspended more than I was in school and I wasn’t a dummy. I would get, “Shanika you are so smart why do you keep getting suspended.” I wish I could tell them but hood rules “You better NOT tell NO ONE.” I needed help, I needed friends, I needed a place to hide and hiding is something I could do.

I could fight but I just could never protect myself from the old lady. I was in pain and she never tried to stop it…..Heck No One Did