What to do when you only have pain?
As an orphaned child (mom dead and dad unknown) I had no real reason to do good. The motivation that I found was let’s say weird for a child my age. I wasn’t a teenager when I decided what my life would look like. Although living a fairy tale while being sold to the neighborhood helped me not break. I’d lay there thinking of my GREAT ESCAPE and know I would achieve it. What was my fairy tale: GETTING AWAY. The first chance I got I knew I’d jump on whatever boat, train, plane or run to get away. I was an avid runner, dancer, fighter and smart as all get up. I challenged myself in academics my entire life. I was an all around sports athlete (volleyball, track, cross country, soccer, wrestling, ROTC and cheerleading) if I could try out for it I did. This was my escape from the reality of my jacked up, horrible life.
Motivation in the mist of any storm can be the one thing that you can hold on to. It can help you keep your sanity. I don’t know where I would be without my fairy tale but I will tell you I would not hold a Masters Degree in Education, Served 10 years in the U.S Army, be healthy mentally and physically and love a Higher Power. I’ve seen girls who have been through it like me in corners, in abusive relationships, dead, lost and so much more hurtful ways. Life doesn’t have to be great to want more, you just have to fight for it.
Fighting is something I did well as a young child. It’s crazy to think I was a fighter but never fought my grandmother, the pimp or the men she sold me to. My therapist basically told me it was an inside fear that was instilled in me aka don’t mess up granny’s money. Crazy but let it be anyone else, men or woman, age did not matter I would put all my anger in every blow. I was MAD and ANGRY but I wanted out more than I wanted to go to jail. So I got out at 15. My grandmother died and I was outta there. A few years later at 17 I joined the Army National Guard. When I finished High School and a few semesters of College I joined active duty Army. First Germany June 2007 and soon after Iraq September 2007. I was saved, I was safe, I was free and I never wanted to go back!
But I did…….